Secret to a Long Marriage

A husband asks his wife,
'You never argue when I get mad at you.
How do you always control your anger?'
'I clean the toilet,' she replies.
'How does that help?' he asks.

'I use your toothbrush.'

Perfect Love

We are all seeking a perfect love.

When you first meet and fall in love with the person of your dreams your old brain (that part of your brain that is the most basic part of that very complicated computer system in your head) expects to find someone who will meet all the needs and desires. Those needs and desires that your parents met when you were a tiny baby.

When you first meet someone they are usually on their best behavior and everything is so great (thinks your old brain) because you have finally found someone just like mama who did all those wonderful things for you.

Of course the problems come when the two of you make a commitment and you both go back to being yourselves. No more best behavior, no more doing it all for the other person. People invariably settle back and human nature is such that we think the other one will continue to cater to our every (expressed or unexpressed) desire. It is not so of course and then there is trouble in paradise.

...To be continued...

Make Your Wife Happy by Leaving A Will

Last night my husband and I watched a movie called The Bonneville starring Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates and Joan Allen. It is the story of a recently widowed woman who sets out in her late husband’s ‘66 Bonneville Convertible’ with her two best friends to deliver her husband ashes to her stepdaughter. The second wife and the step daughter didn't appear to get along and it looked just like a lot of second marriages that I have come into contact with.

Certain events happen to the three friends on the trip to the funeral organized by the stepdaughter that encourage the widow to fulfill her husband's wishes for his final remains instead of his daughter’s careful carrying out of his long out-dated written wishes.

This is a fun movie but one that has a very real message to husbands to make sure their personal affairs are in order when they die. This movie really highlights what can happen when a person doesn’t get around to writing out a current will when their life circumstances change. To keep your wife happy, make sure you have a will and make sure that you have clearly and legally spelled out who is to get what and what you expect to happen to your final remains. Saying that you don't care is just not good enough if you don't want to cause heartache and if you want to continue to make your wife happy even after you die! It took my second husband and I quite a few years to take ourselves to a lawyer and put our new wishes into legal and signed print. And when we did it was painless! We are very lucky nothing happened to either of us in the meantime.

In the movie, the now deceased husband, had remarried after the death of his first wife. He had moved states and he had 20 years of blissful marriage before he unexpectedly died. His daughter inherited the house and his remains. In real life, at least in Canada, the wife would be able to contest the will and get at least half of the house’s appraised value. For the movie of course, she just lost everything.

When a person is grieving (or anytime for that matter), going through a lawsuit is not something that should have to happen. The daughter, in this movie, and in many situations in real life, resented the second wife. She didn’t have any compassion for the woman and didn’t try to make it easy. I can see both sides of this picture. The daughter is fighting to hang onto her father - from a new woman that seems to have replaced her mother and from death. The new wife (in this case new as in 20 year marriage!) has had an intimate relationship with this man and has promised to carry out the wishes that he has told only her about. There really are no sides to take. Both women are doing the best they can even though the man (father and husband) hasn't lived up to what he could have done to make things easier.

If you or your spouse haven’t updated your will lately, I suggest that you watch this light and humorous movie and then make an appointment with your lawyer. In some areas of the world you can simply have your will notarized, but I suggest that you get legal advice if you are in a second relationship.

For full instructions about what to do when someone you love dies, read the e-book by the same name. For more ways to make your wife happy, check this site.

PS Thanks Sandy for telling me about the movie, it was a well worth watching.

Spend Summer Together to Make Your Wife Happy

It is important to know when to do things separately and when to do things together. A sense of independence is a good thing as long as it is complemented with lots of quality time together. When there is too much time spent apart, you cannot make your wife happy and your marriage can be in danger of ending.

Gord developed a life of his own and he didn't spend much time with his young wife and growing family. Gord liked to play pool and drink beer after work and on the weekends at the corner bar by his workplace. Sarah liked to sing in a choir, volunteer with a senior's organization and read stacks of library books. When Gord was at home, he watched sports on TV and Sarah read in another room. The children moved in and around the two separated parents. Looking back on it both Gord and Sarah admit that neither husband nor wife were happy.


Then something miraculous happened. They bought a summer place on a lake not too far from the town in which they lived. The family started to spend weekends together; then they started to meet their neighbors and their social life became family events at the lake and in town with their "lakee" neighbors.

Life in the summer was spent renovating the cottage, waterskiing, visiting and eating around the evening campfires. Life in the winter included social events with the same people.

Sarah and Gord's marriage turned from one of a lot of separateness into one of combined bliss! Gord was truly making his wife happy by spending time with her and the children.

Its a good story - and a true story and I was reminded it of it as the hot summer sun is shining into my studio window. Gord had learned how to make his wife and family happy and in the process became much happier himself.

Not Understood? Say it in a New Way

My husband and I had a fight today, right in front of our good friends Terry and Al. My husband had told me something and I clearly didn’t understand because I responded in a way that did not make any sense to him. So he repeated what he had said. And I responded again in the same way.

He finally lost his temper and said “Why don’t you listen to me?” Now, I was listening to him. But I wasn’t getting any clues as to the fact that he meant something different than I was interpreting.

This definitely wasn't a case 'how to make your wife happy'!

Our friend Al said “What part of it didn’t you understand?” I said “All of it!” And then I asked “Can you say it in other words?”

And so my husband rephrased his statement. Oh! I got it! I finally understood.

The reason I am writing about this now is because there is a song on the radio right now and it has the lyric “Say what you need to say”. John Maher, the singer, repeats the phrase over and over and over again. (I counted 16 times!)

My point is don’t keep repeating the same thing. Rephrase it. It helps people to understand it and in the case of John Maher would make the song so much more interesting! Don’t say the same thing over and over. Rephrase it so that the person who is listening can hear it in a new way.

People have different perceptions about what things mean and when they are stuck in one way of looking at something they sometimes need to be physically or at least metaphorically moved to see the meaning of your words. Change the words – move into a new position and think about how you can get your point across in a new way.

Ok, I think I have said that enough. This post is over.

Make Your Wife Happy: Understanding the Power of YES and NO

Do you want to know how and when to say yes to keep your wife happy and how and when to say no to make your wife happy? Is it possible? Can you do it?

Of course, you can and no it isn't hard!

I've taught courses in communications where I have espoused the notion: "Say ‘yes' every chance you get". I've also taught courses in Stress and Time Management that say "Just say no." So what is it? I'm going to suggest to you that there is a time and a place for each - but the key to remember is that you are always saying "yes" to building an even greater relationship with your wife and "no" to the outside influences that can detract from that relationship.

In a relationship, yes is a very good little word to call upon especially when you are focusing on how to make your wife happy and how to keep your wife happy! Being open and positive to the events that take place in a relationship can help to rejuvenate, invigorate and fulfill a couple's joy of each other.

It can make a good marriage into a great one.

You can read the rest of this article on my website.

Have a wonderful - almost summer - day!